What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.

There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

My brother had just been appointed Secretary of Nevada Territory--an office of such majesty that it concentrated in itself the duties and dignities of Treasurer, Comptroller, Secretary of State, and Acting Governor in the Governor's absence. A salary of eighteen hundred dollars a year and the title of "Mr. Secretary," gave to the great position an air of wild and imposing grandeur. I was young and ignorant, and I envied my brother.

There is no security in life, only opportunity.

He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person.