What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.