Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE

It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.

I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

There isn't anything so grotesque or so incredible that the average human being can't believe it.