I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

Never run after you own hat - others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?

Experience comes from bad judgment.

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.