Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.

Whatever you say, say it with conviction

All human rules are more or less idiotic.

Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.

I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning!

You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.