I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

It is a time when one’s spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. It is a time when one is filled with vague longings; when one dreams of flight to peaceful islands in the remote solitudes of the sea, or folds his hands and says, What is the use of struggling, and toiling and worrying any more? let us give it all up.

In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.

I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.