I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.

Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.