Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.