Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.

If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot

No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.

I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.