Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.

God has put something noble and good into every heart His hand created.

I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.