Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.

Faith is believing things you know aint true

When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it; any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.