Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship money.

My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.