As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.

The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn't something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly - a lark which must have cost Him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects.

I like criticism, but it must be my way.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.