In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so

I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.

Custom is petrification, nothing but dynamite can dislodge it for a century.

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.