You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.

Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter.

A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read.

There are no wild animals until man makes them so.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.