You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Some things you can't find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.