The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.

Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.