I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.

The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monotonously.

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.