Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.

I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterwards act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your better judgment.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words -- 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man -- the biography of the man himself cannot be written.