The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him!

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.