My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.

I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at that rugged study, and to-day the only mathematics I know is multiplication, and the minute I get away up in that, as soon as I reach nine times seven- [He lapsed into deep thought, trying to figure nine times seven. Mr. McKelway whispered the answer to him.] I've got it now. It's eighty-four. Well, I can get that far all right with a little hesitation. After that I am uncertain, and I can't manage a statistic.

Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.

Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization-one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?

Be good and you will be lonely.

Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag.

Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.