Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.

It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.

To someone with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.