Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up.

But we are all insane, anyway. Note the mountain-climbers.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year.