Geological time is not money.

Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.