I think we never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead--and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead, and they would be honest so much earlier.

I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it.

The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.

Man proposes, but God blocks the game.