Most people who make movies are in real life a bitter disappointment. I, on the other hand, am so much better in real life.

A new kind of award has been added -- the deathbed award. It is not an award of any kind. Either the recipient has not acted at all, or was not nominated, or did not win the award the last few times around. It is intended to relieve the guilty conscience of the Academy members and save face in front of the public. The Academy has the horrible taste to have a star, choking with emotion, present this deathbed award so that there can be no doubt in anybody's mind why the award is so hurriedly given. Lucky is the actor who is too sick to watch the proceedings on television.

It's the friend you call up at four o'clock in the morning that really matters.

[On Las Vegas:] I love that town. No clocks. No locks. No restrictions.

...it gives you the impression that every day is Sunday.

[On Orson Welles:] When I talk to him, I feel like a plant that's been watered.

Sex is much better with a woman, but then one can't live with a woman.