I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.

Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.

Why is it suddenly uncool to spell? That's all I want to know.

There's more than one way for a girl to Google a cat.

They weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

You have attained maturity; display it for us, if you please.