Zombieland reference," Jon said, nodding. "How do you know that? That's a thousand-year-old reference!" I looked at laura. "I can't think of a single movie from a thousand years ago." "Uh...Betsy..." "Don't say it." You know how you don't know how stupid something is until you hear yourself say it? That happened to me a lot.
MaryJanice DavidsonIt was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that's why she totally got on my nerves
MaryJanice DavidsonIโI adore you, too. Well, I don't know if I adore you. That's not really the word I'd use. But IโIโ" I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! "I love you." "Of course you do," he said, totally unsurprised. "WHAT? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you're all, 'Yeah, I already got that memo'? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it's so hard to tell you things! I take it back.
MaryJanice DavidsonYou don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.
MaryJanice DavidsonMajesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy asโ" "Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.
MaryJanice DavidsonNever let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around).
MaryJanice DavidsonTake your hands off her, Sinclair told the guy behind me, Or they'll write books about what I'll do to you.
MaryJanice DavidsonInteresting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!
MaryJanice DavidsonCan you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?
MaryJanice DavidsonYou'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow." "Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not.
MaryJanice DavidsonAll writers are crazy. So never mind what the editors and your family and your critique group tells you. Submit your manuscripts and keep submitting until you get an offer. Then you can be crazy, with a paycheck.
MaryJanice DavidsonHe snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy." "Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.
MaryJanice DavidsonShe couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.
MaryJanice DavidsonWe have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like politicians.
MaryJanice DavidsonIt's nice to see you again, Laura." "Thank you, Mrs. T-" "No, no, no. Please, my name is-" "Mud," I suggested. "Mud Barfbag Taylor. Call her Asshat for short." ~Laura, Antonia, Betsy
MaryJanice DavidsonI trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.
MaryJanice DavidsonI walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago." "Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?
MaryJanice DavidsonI was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!
MaryJanice DavidsonI've always assumed he'd be around to be, you know, yelled at and taken for granted. And of course I was wrong. Nobody's going to put up with that forever.
MaryJanice DavidsonThe vampire bible, bound in human skin, written in blood, and full of prophecies that were never wrong. Trouble was, if you read the thing too long, it drove you nuts. Not "I'm having a bad day and feel bitchy" nuts or PMS nuts. "I think I'll commit felony assault on my friends and rape my boyfriend" nuts.
MaryJanice DavidsonI'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.
MaryJanice DavidsonI know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.
MaryJanice DavidsonMy my Laura Goodman. I must say that is a charming name for a charming young lady." "Eric's old." I broke in. "Really really old." "Erโ really?" Laura asked. "Gosh you don't look even out of your thirties." "Tons of face-lifts. He's a surgical addict. I'm trying to get him help." I added defensively when they both gave me strange looks.
MaryJanice DavidsonHere I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.
MaryJanice DavidsonYeah, well, it's been a super fun week. And by 'super fun' I mean 'horrible and endless'.
MaryJanice DavidsonBack off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
MaryJanice DavidsonElizabeth Anne Taylor April 25, 1974 - April 25, 2004 Our Sweetheart, Only resting
MaryJanice DavidsonIt never failedโI'd buy a new journal, write like a madwoman for ten pages, then lose total interest in the process. Three months later, I'd start the whole process all over again. I think I just liked buying new notebooks.
MaryJanice DavidsonI've got a folder full of rejection slips that I keep. Know why? Because those same editors are now calling my agent hoping I'll write a book or novella for them. Things change. A rejection slip today might mean a frantic call to your agent in six months.
MaryJanice DavidsonThey weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.
MaryJanice DavidsonI've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.
MaryJanice DavidsonWow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life! And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.
MaryJanice DavidsonKissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolfโ he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.
MaryJanice Davidson