This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.'

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.