I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth.

Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.

I think people who work in comedy and humor are hesitant to analyze it too much, because you feel like if you take it apart, you'll break it and not be able to put it back together again.