I went through a phase where people would introduce me at parties as a cartoonist, and everybody felt sorry for me. 'Oh, Matt's a cartoonist.' Then people further feeling sorry for me would ask me to draw Garfield. Because I'm a cartoonist, draw Snoopy or Garfield or something.

Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.

But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

My life changed when I was able to not only get seated in nice restaurants, I was given free appetizers. That was like, "Oh, my God, I've arrived".

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.