My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

My father was a really sharp cartoonist and filmmaker. He used to tape-record the family surreptitiously, either while we were driving around or at dinner, and in 1963 he and I made up a story about a brother and a sister, Lisa and Matt, having an adventure out in the woods with animals.