My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, moved on to other things.

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.