I was very disturbed when Jesus found a demon in a guy, and he put the demon in a herd of pigs, then sent them off a cliff. What did the pigs do? I could never figure that out. It just seemed very un-Christian. Technically, I'm an agnostic, but I definitely believe in hell -- especially after watching the fall TV schedule.

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!

Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you! — Russ Cargill

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

I personally like the idea of newspapers. It's a good format. You can read it in whatever order you want. You can glance at it. There is something about a single screen and scrolling through pages that just doesn't have the same appeal.

The tendency in comedy is to have a character who's stupid get more stupid, because you're trying to top yourself and not just repeat.