So I'm reading a book on my new iPad, but can't the iPad read it for me? Do I have to do everything?

The funniest thing is when somebody says "Look I've no idea who you are but my friend said you are on a show and I just wanted to introduce myself" you know that they are lying! Those people can just get out of my way.

Chandler's the guy everybody thinks will do well with women, but he thinks too much and says the wrong thing.

In a perfect world, my tennis game gets better. I have kids and a beautiful wife and live on some hill somewhere that's not in Los Angeles. And the script that Tom Hanks just barely turned down gets in my hands.

I don't have a very 'masculine' taste in music. I get a lot of heat from my friends about that.

I'm glad that life isn't like a Christmas song, because if my friends and I were building a snowman and it suddenly came alive when we put a hat on it, I'd probably freak and stab it to death with an icicle.

The thing that I'm most proud of in my life is that if a stranger came up to me and said, 'I can't stop drinking. I can't stop drinking. Can you help me?' I can say, 'Yes, I can help you.'