I know Chandler is similar to me. But if you watched my life for a week, there would be many more boring parts.

I learned to fall down early in life - I was like six - because I realized it was a way to make girls laugh.

I'm glad that life isn't like a Christmas song, because if my friends and I were building a snowman and it suddenly came alive when we put a hat on it, I'd probably freak and stab it to death with an icicle.

The thing is, if I don't have sobriety, I don't have anything.

I would like you all to give me a round of applause as I have not crashed my car in over 15 months.

I gravitate towards sort of broken characters who try to be better people.

Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour they think that something's wrong. Then I explain that I don't have comedy writers scripting everything I'm saying at this particular dinner.