A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

A liberal mind is a mind that is able to imagine itself believing anything.

I don't know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down. You might think we would lie there and rest for a while.

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.

He [P.G.Wodehouse] is I believe, the only man living who speaks with equal fluency the American and English languages.

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. And a tail is an awkward thing to laugh with, as you can see by the way they bend themselves half double in extreme hilarity trying to get that rear-end exuberance forward into the main scene of action. What puts man on a higher stage of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end.

If one were loyal to one's nation only because it was good and true ... one would not be loyal to any nation but to truth and goodness. The idea of patriotism would have no place either in our dictionaries or our lives.