A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

Classic art was the art of necessity: modern romantic art bears the stamp of caprice and chance.

The defining function of the artist is to cherish consciousness.

Robert Benchley has a style that is weak and lies down frequently to rest.

I don't know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down. You might think we would lie there and rest for a while.

A smile is the universal welcome.

If one were loyal to one's nation only because it was good and true ... one would not be loyal to any nation but to truth and goodness. The idea of patriotism would have no place either in our dictionaries or our lives.