The truth is, I need to experience my mother's presence in the world around me and not just in my head.

Writing has always been the primary way I make sense of the world.

I live to collect information, and I am also a perfectionist.

Sometimes you don't even know what you want until you find out you can't have it.

I was not raised with religion, and I had no faith before my mother died. On the other hand, when she died, I did not immediately feel she was "gone." I don't believe she is in something like heaven, but I also feel that we don't understand much about the nature of the universe. So I hold on to that uncertainty, at times.

We have an idea - a very modern idea - that dying is undignified. But I think this is because we have the illusion that we can control our bodies and our fates.

I believe in the importance of individuality, but in the midst of grief I also find myself wanting connection - wanting to be reminded that the sadness I feel is not just mine but ours.