Being short never bothered me for three seconds. The rest of the time I wanted to commit suicide.

I was born on the kitchen table. We were so poor my mother couldn't afford to have me; the lady next door gave birth to me.

Why should I waste my good time making a straight dramatic film? The people who can't make you laugh can do that.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Nothing is free. You got to pay to be in society. First you start with homework.

Being brave is being scared and worried and still doing it [what you do]. Because if you're just a wacko, a mashugana, a crazy guy, then you're not brave, your nuts!

Any man's greatness is a tribute to the nobility of all mankind, so when we celebrate the genius of [Leo] Tolstoy, we say, "Look! One of our boys made it! Look what we're capable of!"