The only weapon I've got is comedy

You cannot have fun with anything that you don't love or admire or respect.

I like people with big talents and small neuroses - not always an easy combination to find. I've discovered that if the neurosis is too big, it diminishes the talent and you wind up working too hard for what you get.

He who hesitates is poor.

I was born on the kitchen table. We were so poor my mother couldn't afford to have me; the lady next door gave birth to me.

You often hear that people go into show business to find the love they never had when they were children. Never believe it! Every comic and most of the actors I know had a childhood full of love. Then they grew up and found out that in the grown-up world, you don't get all that love, you just get your share. So they went into show business to recapture the love they had known as children when they were the center of the universe.

I knew it... I'm surrounded by assholes!