Tragedy is what happens to me; comedy is what happens to you.

The final test of fame is to have a crazy person imagine he is you.

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.

I'm still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up.

Some critics are emotionally desiccated, personally about as attractive as a year-old peach in a single girl's refrigerator.

All right, I am often brash, rude and brutally direct. Someday I'm going to die and I don't have time to toe-dance around the periphery of hatred.

I don't think in terms of results at all. I think: what next insanity can I shock the world with?