Tragedy is what happens to me; comedy is what happens to you.

I was out in the combat engineers. We would throw up bridges in advance of the infantry but mainly we would just throw up.

Why should I waste my good time making a straight dramatic film? The people who can't make you laugh can do that.

He who hesitates is poor.

My God, I'd love to smash into the casket of Dostoyevsky, grab that bony hand and scream at the remains, 'Well done, you god-damn genius.'

I only direct in self-defense.

I love spaghetti and sex, sometimes together. My dream of heaven is walking naked through fields of pasta fazool.