You want me to admit I'm a four-foot, six-inch freckle-faced person of Jewish extraction? I admit it. All but the extraction. But being short never bothered me for three seconds. The rest of the time I wanted to commit suicide.

You cannot have fun with anything that you don't love or admire or respect.

You got to be brave. If you feel something, you've really got to risk it.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible.

Tolstoy was the most gifted writer who ever lived. It's like he stuck a pen in his heart and it didn't even go through his mind on its way to the page.

There's an army story in me, and I think there's a WWII Brooks film somewhere.