I was out in the combat engineers. We would throw up bridges in advance of the infantry but mainly we would just throw up.

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

My liveliness is based on an incredible fear of death. In order to keep death at bay, I do a lot of "Yah! Yah! Yah!" And death says, "All right. He's too noisy and busy. I'll wait for someone who's sitting quietly, half asleep."

Nothing is free. You got to pay to be in society. First you start with homework.

A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan.

Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.

You're young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long as you don't have any dementia or Alzheimer's, if you have your All-Bran every day and clear yourself out, I think your brains are gonna be all right.