All right, I am often brash, rude and brutally direct. Someday I'm going to die and I don't have time to toe-dance around the periphery of hatred.

Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin.

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

Creative people should always be striving, they should always be hungry, they should be looking for the next place to go.

I was born on the kitchen table. We were so poor my mother couldn't afford to have me; the lady next door gave birth to me.

I'm still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up.

The egg cream is psychologically the opposite of circumcision--it pleasurably reaffirms your Jewishness.