I had low blood sugar, a chemical imbalance, plus the normal nervous breakdown everyone goes through from adolescence to adulthood.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.

He who hesitates is poor.

All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security.

Sir, I have seen your film and it is vulgar! Madame, my film rises below vulgarity.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

If Ivan the Terrible had been kissed and loved between zero and three, he probably would have become Ivan Not So Terrible. If you're Jewish, you have a small smile on your face. Because you know the rest are wrong and you don't want to hurt their feelings.