My God, I'd love to smash into the casket of Dostoyevsky, grab that bony hand and scream at the remains, 'Well done, you god-damn genius.'

I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances.

I've always loved songwriting, and I vowed to be a songwriter like Cole Porter when I was only 9 years old.

There's no such thing as too far. If it works it's funny, if it doesn't work it's too far, it's stupid. Really there's no such thing as "too far." You're joining the politically correct when you use words like "too far." You don't want to join the army of politically correct.

I'm married to a beautiful and talented woman who can lift your spirits just by looking at you.

Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.