My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. The job is to make people laugh. I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn.

Look, I had to take chances or it wasn't fun being funny.

When I was a little boy, I thought when I grew up I would talk Yiddish. I thought little kids talked English, but when they became adults, they would talk Yiddish like the adults did. There would be no reason to talk English anymore, because we would have made it.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

My God, I'd love to smash into the casket of Dostoyevsky, grab that bony hand and scream at the remains, 'Well done, you god-damn genius.'

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.