All short women have a delayed fuse. Marry a taller woman: My wife was an inch or two taller than me; it's a sign of security.

But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality.

Cat angels are the reason there are no mice angels.

I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of creating a mythical premise for a stupid joke, I found playing off truth got the best result.

Being brave is being scared and worried and still doing it [what you do]. Because if you're just a wacko, a mashugana, a crazy guy, then you're not brave, your nuts!

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

You're young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long as you don't have any dementia or Alzheimer's, if you have your All-Bran every day and clear yourself out, I think your brains are gonna be all right.