A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

Beware the old man in young guy's clothes. If he's over 35 and comes to pick you up looking as though he's headed for a skateboarding competition while you are dressed to go to a nice restaurant, this is not a good sign.

Conversely, beware the man who does nothing but ask you questions about yourself and offers no information about himself. Not only is he keeping you at bay, he is probably not listening to your answers.

whenever I encountered a slide show titled 'Eight Diet Foods That Pack on the Pounds' or 'Celebrity Fashion Fails,' I'd have to stop and investigate because hey, it might be information I'd need in some unforeseeable future where I had become, for some reason, a fat celebrity.

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.