You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.

I don't chase after things, but I put forward the effort and know the rest of it is out of my hands.

I'm not sure what it would mean to have "made it." Made what? Yes, I can make a decent living in show business, so if that's the criteria, then I've made it. But that doesn't feel that important to me. The stuff that matters to me are the new challenges. I know that sounds hokey, but it's true.

Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying 'money' and 'power.'

Whatever expectations I had for myself, none of them have come to pass. I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor, which I am. But I thought I'd be a very serious sort of Shakespearean guy going from town to town having sex with various Juliets all over the country.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

That's been my fear all along. That I'm not enough, and I still don't trust at all that I am.