You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic, but don't give it more attention than it deserves.

I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human being.

I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.

There's things I know I'm good at, and those things interest me less and less. I learn a lot more from doing it wrong than I do from doing it right.

I used to need the character but as I've gotten older I need it less and less - I prefer to play some version of myself. To approach any acting job as me just being me.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.