You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.

I'll never admit that I'm an actor, because the next horrible follow-up question is always, "Oh, what have I seen you in?"

I don't watch that much comedy. I think it's professional jealousy. That and a lack of support for my community.

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.

The thing about narcissistic people is that they don't think they're being narcissistic.

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic, but don't give it more attention than it deserves.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.