You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.

Lordy, lordy, lordy do I love money. It is a character flaw, no doubt, one that springs from a panicked childhood in which I always felt as if our family was only a couple missed child support payments from being tossed onto the pitiless streets of our suburban New Jersey town.

If you say "I'm going to be an actor, but I'll get a teaching degree just in case," when things get hard, you'll just be a teacher and that's how you get stuck.

Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying 'money' and 'power.'

I imagine there's a level of narcissism that goes into thinking you're enough.

The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic, but don't give it more attention than it deserves.