Shuffling really isn't something you should be doing on your deathbed.

Super excited about things I'm going to do; never excited about things I'm actually doing.

By the end of the time I'm writing a book, I'm tearing my hair out and I want to go do stand-up. And then I want to do something else. I don't know why it is true with me that I can't just be satisfied doing the one thing, but I'm constantly flitting from one thing to another.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

There is something about the human condition. I don't think dogs are like "If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I'd be totally happy." Dogs are happy with who they are.

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.

The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.