I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human being.

It's such a deliberate thing to sit down and write a tweet. You're putting yourself out there in a very deliberate way, and over however many tweets, you start to create a character for yourself.

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic, but don't give it more attention than it deserves.

There is no word for feeling nostalgic about the future, but that's what a parent's tears often are, a nostalgia for something that has not yet occurred. They are the pain of hope, the helplessness of hope, and finally, the surrender to hope.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

I'll never admit that I'm an actor, because the next horrible follow-up question is always, "Oh, what have I seen you in?"

Super excited about things I'm going to do; never excited about things I'm actually doing.