Whatever expectations I had for myself, none of them have come to pass. I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor, which I am. But I thought I'd be a very serious sort of Shakespearean guy going from town to town having sex with various Juliets all over the country.

The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick kiss can go a long way toward affirming your relationship and commitment to each other. That's not hard to do even when you're juggling insane careers and three kids.

Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying 'money' and 'power.'

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.

The characters that I have on Twitter have very little resemblance to me, the person who's writing them.

The whole idea of punk rock is that you're dressing yourself in a crazy leather jacket with safety pins and a Mohawk. The idea of being the rebel is a boring societal idea. It's such a type. And that's what I was, without knowing it.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.