I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

I take my coffee like I take my women... strong... black... and proud.

It doesn't matter what you're chasing, when you get there you're gonna be like, "Oh, is this all? It kind of sucks."

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

I think people just love to win.

Hosting a show, even a talk show or a game show, there's so much business you have to conduct. There's so much guiding you have to do.